Oh ... Really?

Top O’ the Evening to Ye

Seein' as how I am a wee bit of an Irish lassie (I'm a redheaded Irish Italian Aries ... Whew!), and this bein' the day when everyone's a wee bit Irish, I will share my favorite Irish jokes.

Imagine how different the war in Iraq would be if it were the Irish that went:

Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just a-ringin' ta let ye know that we've declared war on your country."

SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no,we've had ourselves a meetin' and we've decided te declare war on ye."

So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well me laddy's got himself a hot-air balloon, and me brother used to work at an airport." Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr.Hussein, ", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meetin'."

So off he goes and has a quick meetin' down at the pub. "Are ye still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meetin', and we've decided that we're still going ta declare war." So SH says, "Right then Paddy, well you know, as well as the air force, we've also got about a thousand tanks. How are you going to match that.""Well," Paddy says, "I've got an old Austin, and my cousin down the road has got a tractor." "Get real, " says SH, "that's no match at all." So Paddy says, "Hold on, I'll just go and have another meetin'."

"Are ye still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meetin', and we've decided that we're still going to declare war." SH thinks this is just amazing. "Well how many soldiers have you got Paddy?".

"Well," says Paddy, "there's me, me kid, me 4 cousins, and they all have sons, and there's Bill down the road.... I reckon I could get together about 30." Laughing openly now SH replies, "Come on Paddy, I've got 10,000 highly trained fighting men at my disposal. I think you'd better go and have another meeting." "I will", says Paddy, "I will."

"Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meetin', and we've decided that we're not going to declare war on you after all."

"At last," replies SH, "What made you change your mind?"

"Well, it's those 10 thousand soldiers you see. We can't declare war on ye because we've not got the facilities to keep all those prisoners!"

Say Uncle, a righteous Irish laddy himself, is tellin' a tale or two to mark the day. His St. Paddy's day post quotes Sigmund Freud remarking on the Irish: "This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever."

Heh. Yeah. We are a breed apart. Other descriptives - eccentric, odd, don't play well with others, march to the beat of a different drummer. My fav, about Irish diplomacy: The ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he will look forward to making the trip.

A couple more jokes, about Irish lassies:

Four Irish ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends,"My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'."
The second one chirps "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says' your Grace'."
The third lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'.">>>
The fourth lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a 6' 2" hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh, my God...'!"
Seamus left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys at the pub and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

imageHappy St. Patrick's Day!

Posted by LissaKay on 03/17/07 at 11:06 PM in Humor
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