Sunday, January 12, 2003
Putting Out Fires
Mother Teresa once said, “The Good Lord will not give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”
I'm right there with you on that, Sister!
I am just now to the point where I can write about the last few weeks and not get overwhelmed with anxiety. Yes, it's been that bad.
It started the weekend between Christmas and New Years. Actually, it really started back in August, but the shit-storm hit that week, and is just now abating.
We had gone to visit friends that weekend in Georgia. We had decided not the stay the night, but to return home, and we set out on the 150 mile trip at about 2am. We didn't make it far. Somewhere between Cornelia and Calhoun, Georgia, the car broke down. It cost $258 to get towed home. And that was after a very cold, miserable night spent in the car in front of a store in the tiny town of Fairmount, GA.
I had the car towed to the local Saturn dealership, mainly because I had just had the oil changed the day before and it seemed that they had done something wrong to cause it to break down like that. It turns out it was not the fault of the oil change shop ... just an ugly, unfortunate coincidence.
So the Saturn service center calls the next day with an estimate for repairs. They said the water pump failed, the radiator was cracked and there was a huge leak in the valve cover gasket. The estimated cost of the repairs: $795
After I picked myself up off the floor, I called my dad to have him get his trusted mechanic to look at it. Now these are some real good ole boys. The shop isn't anything fancy, they don't have high-tech computerized diagnostic tools or a cushy customer lounge, but they will offer you a really bad cup of coffee while you wait and will give you an honest estimate and do the job right.
They looked at the estimate from Saturn and compared it to what they saw in the car. “Most of this is horseshit!” they said. They replaced the water pump and belt, topped up the radiator (which was not cracked) and the oil (which was not leaking from anywhere). Their bill: $220.
At about this same time, I get my bill from the power company. It says that I am behind $63. I called on Dec 27 to ask about it. They said it was unaccounted for. I knew that was wrong, I had a record of all payments made to them for the past year through online banking. The person on the phone agreed that yes, I showed a payment every month for the last year, but there was still $63 unaccounted for. I told her to put it in dispute so collections would stay at bay and my power wouldn't be cut off. She said she would have someone from the accounting department contact me within the week. This was a Friday.
The next Monday, Dec 30, I returned home from work to find a cut-off notice on my door. It said the power would be cut the next day if I did not have $200 paid to them by noon. Great ... I had to work that day. I was also four days away from pay day and did not have $200. My next bill was not due for another week anyway.
I called the after-hours dispatch and tried to find out what I could do to keep my power from being cut off the day before a holiday. The snotty little bitch said I had to go to the office and pay, and to keep it from happening again, I should pay my bills like I am supposed to. I went off ... I said loudly, “I DID pay my bills, I CANNOT be in the office in the morning because I HAVE to go to work!” She hung up on me.
I called my parents to see if they could go straighten this out. My son would be in the house alone, and I did not want the power off with him here. Mom and Dad went down there the next day with my bill stubs from the last six months and the print out from my payment history to the power company from my online bank. The power company refused to accept the print out from the bank and refused to put the charge in dispute. Mom and Dad had to cough up the $200 to keep my son warm and with lights.
So .. now we are up to Thursday, Jan 11 now. I had sent a request to my bank to find out what happened to the August payment the power company lost. My son also had a doctor appointment that morning, and I had the day off from work. We went to the doctor. Upon checking in, I was told that I had to pay the full office visit fee of $80. My son is on his father's insurance and apparently there has been a change in the plan. There is now a $500 deductible that has to be paid before anything is covered. Wonderful.
I then come to find out that my son USED to have TennCare (TN's version of Medicaid) but it stopped on Dec 31 because I didn't have him recertified. Oh really? Gee ... this is the same doctor's office that told me in September that he did not have TennCare to cover his hospital stay. It seems he actually did have it. And no one ever told me that it had to be renewed or recertified.
I get on the phone and try to contact someone at DHS where he was first placed on it. They couldn't find the case file, and it was closed anyway. I would have to call back and talk to the case manager when she was there. Meanwhile, I can't afford to pay for the office visit. So, I ask if we can just get his medication refilled and let me save up for a few weeks for another appointment. They said they can't refill without a visit, and even if we don't see the doctor, there would be a $25 late appointment cancellation fee anyway.
I tried to call the insurance company, hoping that maybe there was a screw up somewhere and the wrong plan was read for him, because there was never a deductible before. But they won't talk to me. I am not a policy holder and I am not on the plan my son is on. My Ex would have to call. Fat chance of that.
Fortunately, just as I was about to lose it, the office manager came out and took over. She researched the TennCare thing and said I need to call as soon as possible to get that reinstated. She also waived the office visit fee for the day. So my son saw the doctor and got his prescriptions. I took him to school and set about putting out my other fires.
I went to my bank to see if I could get the proof of payment to take to the power company. They told me it was faxed over the day before and it showed that indeed the payment had been made, the power company had cashed the check on August 24. I then went to the power company to make sure they had credited my account. Nope .. they denied receiving the fax and continued to deny that I had paid the bill in August. NOW I was pissed off. I gave them quite an earful. I ranted in front of three other customers about how the power company, due to their own screw up was going to cut off my power the day before a holiday when I had already put the amount owed in dispute, and I had to inconvenience my parents in having them come down there to be treated rudely and pay the erroneous amount on my bill with their own money so their daughter and grandson would not be without heat and light for two days, and all this was after I had been told not once, but twice that I was up to date on my payments since last August when they screwed up. I got the CEO's name, address and telephone number and told them I would be filing a complaint with the Public Service Commissioner.
I then called my back and asked them to send the fax again because the idiots on the receiving end apparently don't know how to work a fax machine. The bank came through and left me a message later that the power company had finally relented and credited the amount back to my account.
At this point, I decided I'd had enough, so I went to get my nails done. On the way, I called my dad to see if he had the estimate from Saturn since he had the car picked up to be taken to the honest mechanic. He couldn't find it, so I planned to go to Saturn and get a copy myself. But that could wait. I was going to get my nails done.
I also called my auto insurance company to see if any of the tow bill would be covered. First I was told that it only covers towing to the nearest repair shop (Take your pick, Atlanta or Knoxville) But they didn't see it that way. I was supposed to have it serviced in Georgia. Right. Sure. And pay for a motel room while it's being done? Get real! But in the process of this inquiry, they couldn't find my records for my policy. They searched high and low. Tried different spellings of my name, and finally brought it up with the VIN. Somehow, the policy name got changed to my father's name because the title of the car is in his name. I had been driving with no insurance! They said they would have to re-write the policy in my name and I would have to come in and sign some papers. Bullshit! THEY screwed up ... THEY can fix it! I hung up on them. I was going to get my nails done, dammit!
So I am sitting there waiting my turn. The nail dude is finishing one lady up, so he comes over and takes my polish off and starts to trim my nails. Then he has to hop back over to the first lady. While I was waiting, I notice I have a voice mail message on my phone. From the school. I listen, and my stomach does a flip-flop. My son was caught with a cigarette at school and he is being suspended for two days. He has already had 10 suspension days. For most kids, that would mean expulsion. However, due to his having Bipolar Disorder and being on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan0 and being categorized as Special Education, they can't expel him, but they can put him in a different school ... alternative school. And they want to have a meeting the next day.
Well, crap. I CAN'T come in the next day. I have to work! I have today off, I can come in this afternoon. I hope they can do that. The hell with it for the moment ... I am getting my damn nails done!
I get them painted a lovely dark crimson .. almost the color of dried blood. They are neatly trimmed back so typing will be easier now. For a moment, I am happy. Just for a fleeting moment.
I call the school and they agree that we can have the meeting that afternoon. I have just enough time to run by the Saturn dealership before going to the school. I get the copy of the estimate, and the service manager goes over it with me, itemizing the things they found that needed repair. “Oh ... REALLY?!? This is interesting,” I say. “I took it to my dad's mechanic and he said most of this stuff was horseshit, I was being ripped off. He replaced only the water pump and it's running just fine now!” The look on the guy's face was priceless. I swear he needed a change of pants. That was the highlight of my day.
I arrived at the school to find my sullen, ashamed son sitting in the office. We sit quietly waiting for the meeting to start with his case manager, vice-principal, counselor, and a teacher. He wants to go home on the bus. School is about to let out for the day, and he wants to be anywhere but there. I told him no, he had to stay for the meeting.
He sits for a few more minutes, the bell rings and he gets up. He says he has to go to the bathroom. Do I have “Stupid” written across my forehead?? No, I tell him. You can wait a few more minutes, then you can go. He becomes defiant in the scary, horrible way that only kids with Bipolar can. I try to quietly restrain him, but he will have nothing of it. I confront him with the fact that he, and he alone got himself into this position. He will face the music. He blows up. He starts yelling profanity, apparently for the shock value. When I don't react, he tried to run from the office, but his ROTC Chief stops him. Out came yet another string of profanity ... and this time I lose it. The office secretary called for security, and I said, “Fine, take him to juvenile. I can't deal with it anymore. He's made his bed, he can sleep in it.”
They get us back to a back room and let us cool off. My son is with the principal in one room while we have the meeting in another. We went through all the broughaha of the procedures for discipline with a special ed student. They will present his case at the next SpecEd board meeting next week and they will determine if his current placement is appropriate or not. Not would mean an alternative school. Alternative school would mean the end of ROTC and my investment in that, their investment in him and his uniform and the one thing that has been a motivator for him at school.
I left shaking down to my bones, nauseated and chilled. I had to get his prescription filled at the pharmacy still. My check card was refused due to lack of funds and I would have to return the next day after my paycheck had been deposited. At that point, all I could do was stare at the pharmacy clerk. I'm sure she thought I was some kind of looney.
We finally made it home. I started dinner, tried to ignore the mess in the house and called my son's therapist. I vented all over her about everything that had happened, but I didn't feel any better at all. She will be contacting the school to see if she can help them make some more appropriate accomodations within the regular school so he can stay there.
When I was finally able to collapse into bed, my mind continued to race with thoughts of the day, the fires that remained burning and how I would deal with them. Even though I was exhausted, sleep evaded me. The last time I looked at the clock it read 3:30am. It seemed only seconds later the alarm was going off.
I wonder ... seriously wonder, how much more of this kind of life I can take.
« Hush me up!
Posted by
LissaKay on 01/12/03 at 01:27 PM in
~ Being Bitchy
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Friday, December 20, 2002
Origin of my Soul

Where Did Your Soul Originate? brought to you by Quizilla
Ok, so it's a little hokey ...
Posted by
LissaKay on 12/20/02 at 05:02 AM in
~ Neat Stuff
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Sunday, November 10, 2002
Roller Coaster Ride
That's the only way to describe life with a child who has Bipolar Disorder. Overall, things are TONS better than they were just two months ago. We haven't had any out-of-control rages, mania or self-destructive depression. But that is called “stable” and means only that I can leave him alone, unsupervised without being scared out of my mind.
But school is a whole 'nother thing. They have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) in place for him. I just wish they would stick to it. Instead it seems as if they are nit-picking ... expecting perfect behavior and punishing him for the slightest infractions. I'm tired of getting calls from the school saying he was talking out of turn, or getting out of his seat when he shouldn't. This is a kid that does NOT need ANY added stress! I have a meeting set up for later this week ... Mama Bear is going in with guns blazing.
He is such a neat kid. Tonight we had some pretty severe weather here .. tornado warnings all around. We had to prepare to take shelter in the downstairs bathroom which is under the stairs. He decided that we should have emergency rations as well, so he packed up some cereal, snack bars and granola. He also put in a package of kitty treats for our two cats. That just kinda tickled me. It is so ... HIM. He really does have a heart as big as the world. And it sucks so BAD that he has this to deal with for the rest of his life.
Posted by
LissaKay on 11/10/02 at 12:31 PM in
~ Bipolarville
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Saturday, November 02, 2002
Almost too much to hope for ...
I got a rather nice surprise the other day. I am a bit hesitant to go into too much detail yet. I'd rather wait until it is official ... or not.
Karma is a kick in the pants, eh?
I got a rather nice surprise the other day. I am a bit hesitant to go into too much detail yet. I'd rather wait until it is official ... or not.
Karma is a kick in the pants, eh?
Posted by
LissaKay on 11/02/02 at 05:38 AM in
~ Neat Stuff
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Monday, October 21, 2002
A Slap in the Face
So I apply for a promotion at work. I figured I had a pretty good chance at it. Hell ... it was in the bag, so to speak. I had been working in this department as long as it has been at this location. I had been in another department, tech support, for 7 months prior to that.
The position reports directly to my current supervisor. It is essentially an assistant supervisor, but this company has a cutesy little title for it. Whatever ... I wanted it. I wanted it BAD. And for most of the last 11 months that I had been in this department, I worked my ASS off with the goal of getting a position like this, and this particular one was MADE for me. It was a perfect match.
My supervisor thought so too. A few days before the “official” announcement would have been made, he told me that he had chosen me for the spot. Oh happy day! Finally, my hard work and extra effort would pay off! I was thrilled! I could hardly contain myself, but since it was not “official” yet, I couldn't tell my co-workers. I did tell my mom, my kid and my best friend though.
Then official announcement day came. The unsuccessful candidate for internal positions are usually given a small envelope with a form letter saying, “Thank you for your interest, but we chose someone we think is more qualified for the position.” I was not expecting to receive one of these letters. I already had a nice collection of them, thank you very much.
But my supervisor took me aside and told me that upper management had over-ridden his choice, and gave the job to someone else. I was in shock. I was angry. I was hurt beyond belief. HOW could they do this??? It was obvious to everyone that I was THE most qualified candidate for this position. My immediate thought was, “What the hell did I do? Did I say or do something wrong?”
It was not until a few minutes later that I wondered, “Who DID get the position?” when I found out, I nearly went ballistic. They gave the job to this kid, 20 years old, who had been with the company for only 3 months. He had never worked on my team, he knows nothing about what we do. He would have to be trained for the job from the ground up, PLUS the added duties of the higher level position! This choice is beyond ridiculous, way past ludicrous, it makes NO SENSE whatsoever!
It took me a day or two to come to the realization that the choice had nothing to do with me personally. There were three or four other candidates that I know of that are way more qualified than this kid. Knowing in my heart that I was still the most qualified person, but management made an insane and unfair decision has made it somewhat tolerable.
Rumor has it that the kid and the big boss that got him into the job are buddies away from work. Ahh ... nepotism at its finest! The official word is that it is felt that the kid has “potential” ... potential, my ass! They might as well have taken someone off the street and put them in the job, for all the experience this kid has.
It is felt by most that it will not last long. The kid will wash out sooner or later, probably sooner. As pissed off as the rest of my team is, as well as my supervisor, we certainly won't stand in the way of his failing. We can't actually DO anything to sabotage him, or screw him up. But we won't stop him from doing it to himself .. capiche?
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. What is not mentioned is that the trip down the hallway is a journey through hell.
Perhaps this is a sign that I should move on, that there is a better and brighter opportunity waiting for me in the near future that I would hesitate to explore if I was newly promoted. I tend to be very loyal to the place that I work, I am much less so now. It would now be very easy for me to leave and take a better job. I have even been perusing job listings in the last couple of days.
In the meantime, I am trying to maintain my grace, dignity and professionalism. But it is not easy. I feel betrayed by the company that I have given so much to. I can't think of a single reason why I should continue to give 150% and to go above and beyond anymore.
I'm just waiting to be asked to train this kid to do the job that should have been mine. My ... that could get ugly.
Posted by
LissaKay on 10/21/02 at 03:34 PM in
~ Being Bitchy
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Sunday, October 20, 2002
They say ...
They say, life is what we make of it.
I don't know about that. There are so many things that can happen that are so far beyond our control. Maybe what “they” mean is how we react to what life gives us.
About a month ago, my life had spun way out of control. My 14 year old son has problems and issues that go back many years. He was thought to have ADHD, was diagnosed thusly at the age of about 8. He was living with his father at the time, and had begun to have lots of problems in school. He was taken to a clinic that specializes in treating ADHD. He was medicated with all kinds of different drugs .. about 6 kinds in two or three years. They did nothing to help him, made him worse, or turned him into a zombie.
Fast forward ... he now lives with me. His father was abusing him, physically and emotionally. We have been trying to help him heal the emotional damage that resulted from the abuse. But there were deeper issues as well. It wasn't until he finally hit rock bottom that we finally discovered what was really going on with him.
My son had been in and out of trouble for almost the last year. Trouble at school, with other kids in the neighborhood, his grades dropped from A's and B's to D's and F's. He would fly into the most terrible and frightening rages I had ever seen. He wanted to die and told me so several times. When he actually tried to kill himself twice within a week I had to act.
I took him to his psychiatrist, the one that prescribes his anti-depressant medication. He was almost immediately admitted to the hospital .. one that treats mental illness. He was admitted as an involuntary committment because of the suicide threats.
While he was there, he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Formerly known as manic depression, Bipolar Disorder manifests itself with extreme mood swings. In adults, the time lapse between these swings can be weeks, months or even years. In children, the swings can come as often as minutes or hours. Often mistaken and treated as ADHD, Bipolar Disorder grows worse without proper treatment, and the ADHD medications only aggravates the condition.
But we finally had a name and reason for my son's outrageous behavior, and hope for controlling it with medications. My son now has a chance to make his life a successful one.
But we are not out of the woods by a long shot. He will have to have his medications adjusted monthly until he gets the right levels, and still changes from growing, going through puberty and even normal life experiences will require further adjustments.
Then he also will need to learn to live with this disease. He cannot drink caffeinated colas or coffee. He will also have to watch his sugar intake ... not a pleasant idea for a teen-ager. School will require extra effort always. He will need to develop more self-awareness so he can cope with the mood swings when they come.
As a parent of a child with Bipolar Disorder, I too face extra challenges. I have to make and keep doctor and therapy appointments, stay in close contact with his school so he will receive a proper education, be ready to face all kinds of weird situations, and try hard to maintain my own sanity.
Three weeks ago, he was discharged from the hospital. On these new medications, he is a completely different child than the one that went in a week before. And he continues to improve. I still see the signs of the disorder in him though .. defiance, apathy, low self-esteem. But I know that there will be set-backs and new challenges in the future. I can only hope that I will be ready and able to deal with them.
For more information:
Childhood-onset Bipolar Disorder Fact Sheet
Posted by
LissaKay on 10/20/02 at 02:47 PM in
~ Bipolarville
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