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An Open (and final) Letter to the Sperm Donor of My Children

The following is being posted here because the man that fathered my children refuses to hear anything I have to say to him, even as I made a final and desperate plea for him to grow up, be a man and be the father his children deserve.

I know that he and his wife regularly come here to obtain information about us ... otherwise how would he know that we had moved away from Oak Ridge? I think he truly believes that I am that stupid. Anyway ... feel free to skip over the rest of this post. It's just something that needs to be said.


Dear Sperm Donor,

Last night saw a closure for our baby girl. It was a last chance for you to mend the rifts and resume your rightful place in her life, but you chose to not go that route. Instead, you allowed your hurt feelings again to rule and again you rejected her. She chose to live with me full time because your wife made her home a miserable place to be. She tried to maintain her relationship with you, she wanted to have her daddy in her life, but she could not stay in that house with that woman any longer. And what did you do? Did you act as a loving and caring father would, by ensuring that you would be available to her, to spend time with her and do everything possible to still be a daddy to her? No, you most certainly did not. You rejected her, told her she had no place in your home or life anymore and was no longer a part of the family.

Still, she persisted in trying to contact you, by whatever pretense she could. Most especially, a box full of her belongings that she asked for, repeatedly for many months. To her, your willingness to give her that box meant that you still cared about her, still loved her. Your refusal told her otherwise. She even bravely approached you directly, asked for her belongings, only to be assaulted by our oldest son (whom you poisoned against not only me, but his younger siblings as well). What she really wanted was her father's love. What you gave her was anger, hatred and "You're just materialistic!" (I find that rather ironic, since she left your home - where she could have nearly anything material she wanted, to come to mine - where penny-pinching and doing without is the norm). Funny that most of those things, other than sentimental mementos, were items that I gave to her. Your refusal to return the digital camera and the Playstation 2 may still result in theft charges being filed.

These actions closely echo what you did to our younger son. You kept his belongings from him as well, and only by the intercession of the Department of Children's Services, was I able to get those back for him. You do realize that it was that sort of attitude that resulted in the criminal charges of child abuse being lodged against you, right? They were going to just let it go with changing custody to me, but they realized that what had happened was far more than a frustrated parent overreaching with the discipline of a child. They saw the evil and ugly in you and acted accordingly. It did no good. You remained hateful and ugly to me, and removed yourself totally from his life, even though you had ample opportunity to heal your relationship with him. He, too, was desperate for his father's love. Again you rejected him. Do you remember what the final blow was that let him know in no uncertain terms that you just don't give a shit? It was on the eve of his 18th birthday, the day when you and he would be no longer constrained by the requirement of supervised visitation, he asked if he could spend some time with you the next day, which is also Christmas Day. Your reply? "Sorry, I'm too busy."

He came back into the house and announced that he no longer has a father.

The damage you have done to these children is enormous and permanent. Do you have even a clue of what you have done to them? Or are you so wrapped up in your own self-absorbed, narcissistic, delusional world of hatred that you don't care?

All of last year, I lived in fear of losing my little girl. The depths of her depression and anxiety, which were the direct result of how you treated her, was terrifying. She could barely function, lost most of the school year - our super-intelligent, gifted, honors student was failing classes - and required months of therapy and medications to keep her going. It was only by finally leaving Oak Ridge entirely that she was able to surface back into the world of truly living. Still she struggles. And as evidenced by her recent email to you, still had one slim ray of hope that she might yet have a daddy in her life. You failed her. Your final rejection last night brought her also to the same conclusion that our son had two years ago ... she no longer has a father.

The damage has been done, but they will heal. In time, they may even forgive you. But they will never forget. I see the anger and the hurt they carry from what you have done. There may also come a day when our oldest will also realize what you have done, the lies you have fed him ... and you will lose him too. Maybe someday the full realization of what you have done will come to you. It may not be until you are old, wasting away in a nursing home bed with no children or grandchildren coming to visit ... alone with nothing but maybe an old shrew of a wife at your side. That would almost be sad, except it is just what you deserve.

Several years ago, you said that you wanted to destroy me. You failed. When you realized that, first you checked yourself into a mental hospital, then you turned your venom on the children. First, onto our younger son. The state intervened, rescued him and placed him in the safety of my home, where he now enjoys unconditional love, acceptance, security and support. You failed again. Then you set out to turn our daughter against me, by filling her head with hate and lies about me. Again you failed ... you more than failed because in the aftermath of that nightmare, my little girl and I became closer and our relationship stronger than ever. She, too now enjoys a loving, accepting and safe home, here with me.

For years I have watched you cause this harm to our children, and there was little I could do to stop it. I could only mitigate it somewhat ... and bide my time. You hurt my babies and for that, there will be a price to pay. It will be my turn ... I will destroy you and I will not fail.


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