The Deepest Cut
The Latest Craze? Michelle Malkin seems to think so, that teens cutting themselves is a "fad" inspired by celebrities, like Christina Ricci, and a pop music genre known as "Emo". While I respect Ms Malkin and find myself in agreement with her more often than not, on this subject, she is way off base. When I first read her articles, I was stunned into disbelief and at a total loss for words. It has taken me a full day to put my own thoughts together.Michele of A Small Victory tackles the subject here and here, and while she does a marvelous job at shooting down the theory that cutting is caused by music or the emulation of celebrities, like me, she struggles to put into words the true impact of children harming themselves. It truly is something that defies explanation, comprehension and reason.
Why would a child want to hurt him or herself? Why? To take a razor blade or other sharp instrument and cause oneself to bleed ... cause oneself pain ... WHY? To be cool? To impress one's friends?
He sat at the desk in his darkened, upstairs bedroom fooling around with a pocket knife the first time he cut himself on purpose. He made a small slit on his forearm. Then another and another. Before long, he had doodled an hourglass shape into his flesh. Drops of blood trickled across his skin like the tears he could not shed.
A feeling of relief washed over the troubled eighth-grade loner. It made him momentarily forget that cruel classmates called him fat and spread false rumors that he was gay.
The cuts filled the hollowness inside. It was a rush but not a high. He was no longer numb. He felt alive.
His mother's voice shook him from his trip to normalcy. She needed him to take out the garbage. He didn't bother to hide his fresh wounds. She saw them and scolded him. She told him it was satanic and to never do it again.
Bruce Howell, now 19, can't explain why he drew a blade across his arm that first time. But it gave him a feeling he came to desire.
"It's like someone going out and having a cigarette," he said.
Self-injury, particularly cutting, is a secret plague among young people across the country as a way to cope with inner turmoil. Some burn themselves. Some hit. Most cut. They say it eases their emotional pain, clears their minds or calms them down.
Some use cutting as self-punishment. Others do it to assert control when everything seems to be spiraling out of control.
Cutting isn't new. It isn't a fad. It isn't cool. It is a sign, a symptom of much deeper issues. Cutting, or self-injury is common among those who are afflicted with some mental disorders, like bipolar, severe depression, borderline personality, schizophrenia, anxiety, PTSD, and also among those who have experienced severe trauma, like abuse or sexual molestation. What all these disorders or illnesses have in common is they all cause the sufferer to experience extremely deep, horrific internal turmoil, anguish and pain. Some, who are able to verbalize their thoughts on cutting, have said that the pain caused by the razor blade changes the focus of the pain to something external, something that can be seen ... and dealt with. A distraction, if only temporary, from the incurable internal pain. There's an old joke about a fellow who is complaining endlessly about a toothache. His fed-up wife finally stomps on his foot. As he hops around tending to his wounded foot, she says, "Now that old tooth doesn't hurt as much, does it?"
Posted by LissaKay on 02/24/05 at 02:08 PM in
Bipolarville
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Keywords for this entry: bipolarville, mental health, mothers courage, parenting
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Keywords for this entry: bipolarville, mental health, mothers courage, parenting
I have bipolar disorder, and have found that its effects are both of a base, genetic biological type and of your reaction, from that biology, to certain external events in life. For example, the ups can stay up longer in good times and can end quicker with unfortunate events. I have hemophobia, too, though, so I'd pass out in cutting
Posted by Chase on 02/27 at 02:25 AM
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I too am aware of the sense of control that one feels when inflicting this pain upon my self, it feels like it is the one thing in my life that I can control.
Medical doctors refuse to even try to treat it with medicine, and just recently have I decided to get help. I am afraid of what I'll find out. But I have to, so I can raise my son in a mentally and physically healthy environment. I find that he is mimicking me picking at my feet when I don't realize he is even watching me. This is one thing that I don't want to pass on to my child, and would be devastated if I did.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by kwiser on 02/24 at 11:07 PM