Something Funny Happened on the Way to the Forum
*WAVES* to the people visiting from thread #291672 and #32300 ... that's where you say nasty things about me, right? Like you all do to Joe, Ken and Dawn ... such lovely people you are.Heh ... the fact that I am now being attacked directly tells me that I hit that nail dead on the head. I should be shocked at these vicious reactions, but then again ... The question now is, should I take those attacks public so everyone can see the true nature of some of these people? Oh and thanks for reminding me about Mel ... that makes 4 ... that I know of. Mirrors are pretty inexpensive, perhaps a good investment ...
=====================
Truth is a funny thing. We all hold it up to be an honorable concept. Lies, deceptions, fibbing are all bad ... we are taught this from when we first learn to express ourselves. We base our sense of trust around the truth ... we trust those who do not lie to or betray us. But I have found that sometimes, the truth is not always a good thing. Well, it is a good thing ... but some people react to the truth in bad ways. Especially if the truth is about them, and they don't like it being pointed out. Those reactions can be vicious, and will tell even more truth about who that person really is.
By nature, I am very direct and blunt. In grade school, I failed to win friends and influence people with this directness ... if I didn't like someone or something they were doing, I told them so. Time, wisdom and maturity tempered this directness and taught me to hold my tongue in most situations. Those times that I just couldn't keep quiet, I used sarcasm or irony to make my point. Unfortunately, it would fly right over the heads of most people.
Recently, I pointed out a nasty bit of truth to some people. I was very direct about it. The reaction was, of course, just as nasty as the truth is. Heh ... yeah, you get all defensive and I know I've hit dead on the nail. The attacks that followed just prove it even more. These people are so beside themselves dealing with this truth, all they can do is strike out, making wild accusations and twisting anything else I have to say.
They even tried to make me go away. Sorry ... I'm too stubborn for that. The truth hurts? Aww ... my heart is breaking. Deal with it.
What was this bit of truth and who are these people? The people are participants in one of the discussion forums I frequent. The truth is, while they denounce racism, bigotry and discrimination, sexism ... or rather, derogatory statements and jokes about women in particular, are overlooked or ignored at best. At worst, several more join in on the joke or expand on the derogatory statements.
A recent example: A member posted about a recent study that pointed out the differences in the male and female brains. The article itself, after a rather interesting discussion of a very relevant study, ended with a sexist remark. In the thread discussing this article, a poster remarked, in reference to the studies findings that the two halves of the brain talk to each other better in women, that we now know why women never stop talking. He followed up to that post with the picture of the two dogs, one of which is yapping in the other's ear while he cringes. They are dressed up as a man and woman, the woman-dog being the one doing the yapping.
This was not posted in the humor forum, it was in the Health and Science forum. What was the reaction from the rest of the members to this sexist post?
*crickets chirping*
I am really sorry that someone you thought you could trust backstabbed you the way they did. I really enjoyed your other journal, which is why I'm really upset that it's been taken down. I do not know what happened over at the forum because when I found the thread you were referring to, it appeared to have undergone quite a bit of editting. I guess they decided that it wasn't worth keeping around? *shrug* I haven't been participating a whole lot there myself. Life got in the way, I've got my own shit to deal with - no need to add online drama to the list of crap I have to deal with.
I'm always here for ya, babe. Next to my mom, you're probably one of the strongest women I know. Don't let someone's pettiness and smallness bring you down.
I'm always here for ya, babe. Next to my mom, you're probably one of the strongest women I know. Don't let someone's pettiness and smallness bring you down.
Posted by Misu on 03/01 at 01:00 AM
Lissa, if it's worth anything to you, I know exactly (far, far, too well) what you're going through. In my case, I had resolved not to quit, to stay around whatever they through at me. Well, they found an excuse to get rid of me anyway.
It was a matter of time, and it was because, as you say the king of the place (I'll respect your decision not to name names here) decides who gets respectful, fair treatment and who does not.
You and I know and remember the many times we struggled over there--but I don't think either of us ever wanted to drive the other out of the forum. Yet that inner circle, that little clan of cronies, has that as their goal in far too many cases. They booted me, and I'm quite aware of the kinds of insults they lobbed at me once I was gone.
They want a little, mean, self-affirming, non-thinking, private club. I can even name a few others, besides me, and besides the ones you listed above, who they forced out or banned.
Of course, only you can decide what you want to do about the place, whether you'll stay. I know that in my case, the thing I found was that I did want to stay, that there was something worth keeping there--but that "Mr. Owner" and his club are rapidly destroying it.
I sometimes wonder if my pride in not letting them run me off was enough to justify opening myself to the experience of being forcefully kicked out.
It's definitely hard to take when a group of people, no matter how small-minded and afraid they really are, says "get out. We don't want you here." And then they gleefully rejoice, feeling they've "won."
Mr. Owner and his clan are very little men. I'm sure that inside, they know that. That's why they can only feel large by bringing down others.
Don't let them bring you down. You're much bigger than they are. (But I still disagree with you on some things!)
(On an unrelated note, your blog has some of the coolest features I know--this live comment feature is excellent. I also like your captcha better than mine!)
It was a matter of time, and it was because, as you say the king of the place (I'll respect your decision not to name names here) decides who gets respectful, fair treatment and who does not.
You and I know and remember the many times we struggled over there--but I don't think either of us ever wanted to drive the other out of the forum. Yet that inner circle, that little clan of cronies, has that as their goal in far too many cases. They booted me, and I'm quite aware of the kinds of insults they lobbed at me once I was gone.
They want a little, mean, self-affirming, non-thinking, private club. I can even name a few others, besides me, and besides the ones you listed above, who they forced out or banned.
Of course, only you can decide what you want to do about the place, whether you'll stay. I know that in my case, the thing I found was that I did want to stay, that there was something worth keeping there--but that "Mr. Owner" and his club are rapidly destroying it.
I sometimes wonder if my pride in not letting them run me off was enough to justify opening myself to the experience of being forcefully kicked out.
It's definitely hard to take when a group of people, no matter how small-minded and afraid they really are, says "get out. We don't want you here." And then they gleefully rejoice, feeling they've "won."
Mr. Owner and his clan are very little men. I'm sure that inside, they know that. That's why they can only feel large by bringing down others.
Don't let them bring you down. You're much bigger than they are. (But I still disagree with you on some things!)
(On an unrelated note, your blog has some of the coolest features I know--this live comment feature is excellent. I also like your captcha better than mine!)
Posted by Joe on 03/02 at 12:07 PM
Heya Joe ... long time, no type!
Thanks for the encouragement ... you too, Lynne and Misu, and everyone else that has emailed or IM/PM'd.
This is a really interesting thing here ... I am not upset about anything. I stuck a stick in a hornet's nest and gave it a good whacking, I guess to see what happened. It needed to be done. The reactions were, sadly, not terribly surprising. Interesting tactic they took ... another member attacked me, I defended myself and then I was declared the "bad guy" ... the attacker is giggling while twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes now, probably feeling pretty impressed with herself.
Feh ... I have no time or patience with such annoyances.
There are a few comments that were left here that I have kept in moderation ... simply because I don't want to embarrass the authors or some of the other denizens of the forum that are in no way involved. Yes, they were that bad. There are some really good people there that do not deserve to be associated with such ugliness.
I had hoped that maybe I would open some eyes to what has been going on. The forum could be a bastion of excellence in online discussion and debate. I hate to see where it has headed ... and continues to go.
It is a sad thing ...
Thanks for the encouragement ... you too, Lynne and Misu, and everyone else that has emailed or IM/PM'd.
This is a really interesting thing here ... I am not upset about anything. I stuck a stick in a hornet's nest and gave it a good whacking, I guess to see what happened. It needed to be done. The reactions were, sadly, not terribly surprising. Interesting tactic they took ... another member attacked me, I defended myself and then I was declared the "bad guy" ... the attacker is giggling while twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes now, probably feeling pretty impressed with herself.
Feh ... I have no time or patience with such annoyances.
There are a few comments that were left here that I have kept in moderation ... simply because I don't want to embarrass the authors or some of the other denizens of the forum that are in no way involved. Yes, they were that bad. There are some really good people there that do not deserve to be associated with such ugliness.
I had hoped that maybe I would open some eyes to what has been going on. The forum could be a bastion of excellence in online discussion and debate. I hate to see where it has headed ... and continues to go.
It is a sad thing ...
Posted by LissaKay on 03/02 at 12:49 PM
"There are some really good people there that do not deserve to be associated with such ugliness."
Amen to that. That's the biggest shame of the whole thing!
Amen to that. That's the biggest shame of the whole thing!
Posted by Joe on 03/02 at 01:01 PM
Next entry: Murder and Memories
Previous entry: The Deepest Cut
As far as forums are concerned, the novelty wore off for me some time ago, I don't participate as much in either. If I do I get bored half way through the thread, do a lot of eyerolling and tutting and move on. Some go through life with blinders on, some are simply wimps in the real world but have a world of courage in their online masks.
Don't let it get you down, it really isn't worth it. Truth be told, in real life you wouldn't give these people the time of day if you passed them on the street, let alone strike up a conversation.
Posted by Lynne on 02/28 at 12:08 AM