Some days ...
Some days, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Saturday is supposed to be the day when I sleep late, get up when I want, fully rested and ready to get things done. Whether it's clean the house from top to bottom, or sit around and watch movies. Doesn't matter. Saturday should be easy-going, pleasant and laid back. Not today though ...The first thing I heard this morning, about 6:30 am, was one of the cats hoarking up one of their massive hairballs. Lovely. Just lovely. I had just cleaned the floors last night, trying to get a jump on the house cleaning for the weekend. I went back to sleep after making a mental note to be careful where I stepped when I did finally get up. A couple hours later, I heard the same sounds, this time closer ... like in the hallway. *sigh* I finally gave up on sleeping around 9:30 when Faith kept trying to jump up on a little storage cart in my room. She was trying to get where she could look out the window, and in order to do so, she was pushing against the blinds, and making a horrible racket. When I shooed her off, the cart lunged to one side and dumped my alarm clock to the floor. I hope it didn't break.
So, then on the short traipse to the front room, I counted no less than 3 kitty pukes on the floor. I was cleaning the second one when Dakota decided to add yet a 4th. When I bent to grab him to get him off the hardwood floor and to the linoleum in the kitchen, he ran under a small side table and knocked it into my face. It hit just on the cheekbone under my right eye. I now have a nice little shiner with a pretty good cut there. I look a bit like a prize-fighter.
I instinctively had reached up and touched it, not knowing the skin had broken. So then came the rush to disinfect it, since I had just been cleaning kitty puke. Darling daughter was a huge help, getting a frozen pea ice pack ready, and then finishing the clean up. In the meantime, Dakota ran under my bed. I don't want to think about the prospect of kitty puke under there.
Thus starts my day ... a day in which I have to attend to some heavy duty items. Like figuring out how to pay the bills when the money just isn't there. What I am going to do with my son, who has yet to come up with any sort of life plan beyond video games, partying and laying around the house watching TV. He won't even take his meds like he should, so there is hardly any reasoning with him. Now darling daughter is struggling ... she has some major depression and anxiety going on, because her father and oldest brother have both rejected her. She says she cannot deal with school, and skipped all her classes last week. I'm pissed as hell at the deception of it. She thinks I am angry that she is depressed. She wants to homeschool, but that is something that I cannot handle, as I think I need to be finding a second part-time job to make ends meet. My debt levels have become overwhelming, to the point where I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I need to do something, get my degree or some classes so that I can get a job that pays more than poverty level wages. I'm tired of living like this, but I don't know what to do to fix things.
I know it could be worse ... much worse. And that just makes me feel bad to whine about my problems. Then it also makes me realize just how very alone I am, so very, very alone.
I think I am just going to go back to bed ...
Next entry: Oh boy ...
Previous entry: Well, now ... that's not very nice!
I think that you articulate very well what many people experience on a daily basis. Most people cannot or will not express these things to the world. You express reality extremely well.
You seem like a pragmatist and a realist. No fear. You seem unafraid to lay everything on the line to express what you believe in, and I for one respect that quality.
The style in which you write makes it easy for people to relate to your happiness, pain & anger. And anyone who has ever talked to you would know that it has to be your style they are reading - your witty attitude is hard to miss!
Nobody has a perfect life. I often think about going back to school or getting a certification, too. And then realize that some of the people sitting around me have bachelor degrees and other education and they are doing the same job that I am. If I had finished the liberal arts degree, would I still be sitting here, doing the same job? Possibly. I would like to think not, though.
Poverty does suck, but like you said, it could be worse.
I did not mean to ramble -- just wanted to let you know that there is always hope, even with nothing but the gloomiest, darkest, bleakest vista on the immediate horizon (oops - that was not a very positive way to express my thought) -- things do have a way of working themselves out for the best.
I do not want to moralize here, but I have found one truism that seems to be a fact in all cases:
This too shall pass.
Posted by Techia on 11/15 at 08:02 PM