So I’m a Bitch, eh?
I have a profile on Yahoo. Under marital status, it says “Single, Not Looking.” Apparently there are quite a few people out there that do not believe this. I get IM after IM from flirty guys, nasty guys, even some women and couples. So, I added the following to the profile: “Lookie up there ... see where it says, Single, NOT Looking? What part of that is confusing you? I have neither time nor the energy to play the dating game. Now move along .. nothing more to see here.”
So now, I get IM after IM from would-be Casanova's calling me a bitch. How lovely ...
Usually I just close the IM window and go about my business. But sometimes I am feeling spunky ... or bored, and I respond. Most commonly, I just say, “Thanks!” and I hear nothing further. However, some of these fellows are persistent (the women have stopped messaging me, I guess they have better reading comprehension or something). One guy, ssmith1627, said, “What a bitch!” My reply, “You say 'bitch' as if it's a bad thing ... ” I guess he called up all his buddies because I was literally bombed with messages calling me all sorts of variations of “bitch.” Poor little guys ... I guess they couldn't handle the degree of rejection they found in my profile.
Little do they know ... I
am a bitch. I like to say that stands for “Babe In Total Control of Herself” But it has come to mean much more than that for me ....
I don't back down from a fight ... if I know there is the slightest chance of winning, I don't take No for an answer without it being fully explained to me in a way that makes perfect sense. I don't let people walk all over me or push me around. I am strong, intelligent and I fight for what I know is right. If that makes me a bitch, fine ... so be it.
My son's doctor is a wimp. So, I get on the internet and I research childhood-onset bipolar disorder until I feel like my eyeballs are about to melt. I talk to other parents of kids with bipolar, read forums and subscribe to email lists. I read medical journals, and whacked out sites that propose all sorts of weird remedies. I keep a journal of my son's life and how he reacts and responds to everything. Then I go to the next doctor's appointment and <scription refill or billing correct if they had a road map and a guide. I explain to them what the laws are regarding TennCare (Tennessee Medicaid) and how to call in lab work orders to the outpatient clinic ... in terms a 4th grader could understand. I don't feel a bit sorry for speaking to them that way ... it's my son's life they are fucking around with. If that makes me a bitch, fine. I can deal with that.
The nincompoops and morons at DHS and TennCare that grossly screwed up and got my son's medical coverage cancelled heard the wrath of a mama pit-bull with a pup in jeopardy. Several times. Not just over the phone, but right in the lobby of the DHS office as well. They heard me on my cell phone placing calls to my state senator's and state representative's offices. They were scared. I followed up my calls with letters to the Director of the TennCare Bureau and the Commissioner of DHS, carbon copied to the Governer's office. Within a week, my son's coverage was reinstated, retroactive to the day it was previously cancelled. I'm a bitch? Why thank you very much.
The local sheriff's deputies have discovered that if they confront my son, he will have a panic attack and get verbally abusive towards them. So they do this often. I complained to their supervisor about the harassment. They responded by filing a charge against him for vandalism that they
he did not do. He's already on probation, and this could mean disaster. It could mean a month in juvenile detention ... just when he is really starting to get better. Such justice. But I have notes from my calls to the deputy's supervisor. I also have witnesses who will testify that it was another boy that committed the vandalism. Am I going to be a bitch about this? Oh yeah ... you betcha.
With all this going on in my life, dealing with my son's illness, his school, his legal issues, plus working my ass off to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table ... just where the fuck am I going to find the time or energy for something a trivial as dating??? Hell, I barely find time for a daily shower. My house is a mess because I am too tired to clean it ... and I don't give a shit. I'd rather cuddle with my kitty. I have nothing to give emotionally to anyone ... and what kind of man would be interested in being involved with this kind of life anyway? Other than the wham-bam, hit-and-run asswipes, no one sane that I know of. I don't even want to be involved with my life!
I've played the game ... I've waited hours by the phone, listened to the lies, been manipulated, used, abused, and tossed aside like yesterday's garbage. I've also had some wonderful times with wonderful men ... the Dan Fogelberg concert at Chastain Park in Atlanta was awesome, so was the dinner at The Melting Pot. I may be a little wistful, but I am not bitter. If anything, I am realistic. I have a son with a serious illness that takes every bit of my mental and emotional energy just keeping disaster and chaos at bay. There's not much left over for anything else. If someone gets pushy, don't expect me to be nice in my rejection ... I don't have the time to be delicate about it. I have more important things to worry about than some fragile male ego.
So am I a bitch? Why, yes I am! Just fucking deal with it!
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