Post-holiday blahI have a love/hate relationship with holidays ... I love holidays ... the planning, the decorating, the cooking, the anticipation of being with family and friends, taking time to focus on what the holiday is really about, whether it be Easter or Independence Day. But having both busy teenagers and aging parents and zero social skills can make for miserable holidays. I think from now on, I will just ignore them. Just another day, and all that.
I started out with good intentions. I had a ham and the fixin's to go with. I was going to feed my parents and kids. But my son got a job, and worked today until 7:30, then he went off with his girlfriend. My daughter was off with her friends. Then my parents weren't feeling up to it, due to their various aches and ills. So, I made my little dinner anyway. I ate by myself while studying for my World Lit class (Flaubert's "A Simple Heart" and Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilyich" - how apropos!). As I did, I also reflected on what the hell has happened to me in recent years ... how I went from being a social butterfly with a killer busy social calendar, to a near complete hermit.
I dropped out of nearly everything to take care of my son when he was so terribly ill. The stress of it made for a decided lack of interest in being around other people very much. "How are your kids doing?" becomes the question of doom. I avoided people in order to avoid facing it. But over the last few months, I have made an attempt to revive some sort of social life. Unfortunately, it has been a complete and utter failure. I am not exactly sure what I am doing that is so offensive or inappropriate, all I know is I hear of gatherings, parties, luncheons and the like after the fact. It's like I don't exist or I'm invisible.
Yeah ... I'm feeling sorry for myself and all that good stuff. So sue me. Chalk it up to post-holiday let-down. I'll get over it and get back to being my usual obnoxious self in no time!
*image courtesy ICHC lolcats