Oh ... Really?

Category: Humor

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Pragmatic Project Management

One of our clients is getting ready to make some upgrades in their implementation of the product we support. Prior to making these changes, they have analyzed all of the issues they have experienced, and with our assistance, found either resolutions or work-arounds and created an action plan. This particular bullet point struck us as rather amusing ...

5. Delay in execution of Report

a. Risk: Execution of reports have a long delay the 1st time you go into this module. Subsequent reports do not have a delay.

b. Cause: Report Logic and data is being cached into memory during the 1st report execution.

c. Work Around: Train staff on how to be patient. The report will run, but it may take a few minutes before you see the results.


We are hoping that they can share this particular training plan with us.


Posted by LissaKay on 02/02/11 at 08:26 PM in ~ Humor
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Monday, November 22, 2010

I want your text, baby ... or very serious undertakings

So, two of Rich's daughters are expecting baby girls within a few weeks of each other this coming winter. They decided to have their baby shower together, today, while the out of town sister was here for Thanksgiving. We've been crazy busy with the bathroom renovation and generally getting the house ready for the holidays, and I hadn't had time to shop. So, I went today on my lunch break ... and sent a text to Rich to let him know that I did so.

I'm thinking our communication skills are a bit .... lacking ..
Me: I went shopping on my lunch hour ...

Him: What did you get?

Me: Just a few little things

Him: Like ... ?

Me: VERY little things

Him: Like ... ?

Me: Like ... little pink things

Him: grin

(Can you see where this is going yet?)

Me: Like ... little tiny, soft pink things with bows and flowers and frilly stuff that makes grown women go SQUEEEE!!!

Him: How about grown men???

Me: Well, the ones around here (My team is all men, 'cept me, of course) generally went "Hmmmphf!"

Me: A couple rolled their eyes

Him: ????

(At this point, I knew we definitely had a failure to communicate ... )

Me:

(A number of minutes go by ... )

Me: What the heck were you thinking???

Him: Lacy frilly undertakings!

Him: Underthings!

Him: I hate predictive text

Me: (After picking myself up off the floor, wiping the tears from my eyes and catching my breath ... ) Well, either one works ...



Posted by LissaKay on 11/22/10 at 04:39 PM in ~ Home Life ~ Humor
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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Husbands and Shopping - a Bad Combination

Being still fairly newlywed, Rich and I like to spend as much time together as possible. He even accompanies me on shopping trips, although he does still balk at shoe shopping - but that's a story for another time. However, I may need to rethink the wisdom of letting him come with me, given how he is both very clever and easily bored. The management of one of those big box stores was not amused at his antics, and according to the letter I got, neither of us is welcome back in that store.

Here is the letter* ...

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms;on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


I just can't take him anywhere ....


*Yes, this was stolen from somewhere. It's still funny ... and can't you just see Rich doing many of these things?!


Posted by LissaKay on 11/17/10 at 12:55 AM in ~ Humor
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Totally Half-Baked

If you enjoy the razor sharp wit and snark of the gals at Go Fug Yourself, and laugh hysterically at the LOLCatz and LOLDogz, then you are in for a real treat (heh!) ...


Cake Wrecks ... When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong ... is a relatively new (first posts in May 2008) blog that collects and displays pictures of cakes that are just ... not quite right.

A bride gets punk'd? Could be ... she ordered a cake that looks like this, only in all white with green accents:

image


But what she really got was not exactly a replica ... or even close. It is barely recognizable as a cake:

image


There are lots more ... keep scrolling, and laughing.

I know that I will be very, very careful of where I get my wedding cake!

Posted by LissaKay on 09/10/08 at 05:13 PM in ~ Humor
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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A Public Service Announcement

Please ... for the love of Mother Earth and all Humanity, avoid crass materialism! Don't run ourselves off of our own planet!










Posted by LissaKay on 07/02/08 at 03:42 PM in ~ Humor
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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

What I do instead of studying

I am supposed to be studying ... writing a research paper for my American Government class. I have been distracted by YouTube once again. It's a sickness, I tell you! I watch one after another and on and on ...

But this one is just too cute ... I loves me some Muppets!



Are you tapping your toes yet? tongue wink


Posted by LissaKay on 04/01/08 at 04:57 PM in ~ Humor
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I’m Worth More than I Thought!

This seems an appropriate post topic for the day ...



toys
Powered By Shop for Toys


Go on ... give it a try and see what you're worth!


(via ... who's worth only $1148 ... Heh!)
Posted by LissaKay on 04/01/08 at 02:09 PM in ~ Humor
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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Yoga ... for Zombies?

You have no idea how hard it is pretending to rot and fall apart while holding a good plank pose. — Posted by Mike HERE

OK, now I am as serious about my yoga practice as the next person ... in that I try hard to get maximum benefit from it, while putting forth my best effort. It is paying off quite nicely, I might add. But I am not so serious that I can't also laugh and enjoy myself. Indeed, it is a rare class where someone does not giggle at some point or another. One of my favorite instructors also happens to have a fabulous sense of humor, and her classes always have us laughing.

So, I found this to be rather amusing:

Have you ever wished you could do downward dog with a decomposing body? Well, City Room hasn’t (doing the crow with an intact body is still an insurmountable challenge), but this combination apparently has been a niche fantasy with some population of New Yorkers.

About 75 people showed up in Williamsburg’s East River State Park for an (online) open casting call for the filming of a yoga zombie video on Sunday. “The zombie blogs were only mildly interested in it, it was the yoga blogs,” said Jason Wishnow, the director of the video.


The video is to promote The Zen of Zombie: Better Living Through the Undead. The response to the casting call on yoga blogs was overwhelmingly positive, enthusiastic and excited. So there you have it ... not everyone that's into yoga is a patchoulli-drenched, all-organic, herb-sprinkling, humorless hippie. Even zombies can get into it!

The yoga corpse pose, or Shivasana, is uh, ... dead simple to do. But if you need detailed instruction, you can watch a video demonstration of the technique. Just don't hurt yourself, mmkay?

Posted by LissaKay on 10/16/07 at 12:12 AM in ~ Humor
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Friday, June 22, 2007

On the cusp of the weekend

OK folks, here it is ... real simple like - PPP != 911


Yes, indeed ... piss poor planning on your part does not equal an emergency on mine. Mmmk?

So, at 4:45 on a Friday afternoon, when you discover that adding a new user to your workflow so that they can manage invoices while you're on a month-long vacation that starts in 15 minutes isn't working quite right, you do not have the right to yell at the IT support people and make like it's all their fault that it isn't working and you can't leave yet, and insist on also yelling at their manager, and the manager's manager, that it simply must be escalated to the highest of priority, and the server support team must be called in to work your issue RIGHT NOW and the whole IT department is completely incompetent because no one knows anything about your obscure little web application and why you can't set up security rights for another user ...

Now it's 10 after 5, I contemplate my gym bag and the step-aerobics class that starts in 15 minutes which I desperately need as I recall the mushroom-swiss cheeseburger, fried cheese poppers, potato chips, buttered popcorn, orange chicken, lo mein, crab rangoons and fried ice cream that were consumed this week, plus the stress of preparing for a big statistics exam tonight, and I file your ticket, email the support team that your *issue* simply must be taken care of RIGHT NOW, thank you for calling have a nice day, lock the computers, log out, hit the elevators and, beeyotch you just ceased to exist cause for at least the next hour and a half it's all about ME ...

Oh ... and then I get home after my class, rinse off the sweat, heat up leftover Chinese because despite being a bad girl all week, I have still managed to lose two more pounds, and post about this while I eat ... and as I type the last sentence of the above paragraph, Firefox crashes, but I restore the session and all the tabs come back, including the form text I have been typing! FIREFOX REWLZ!

Posted by LissaKay on 06/22/07 at 07:43 PM in ~ Humor
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Sunday, May 06, 2007

Justin Timberlake - Eat your, um ... heart out

This is the result of having nothing much to do except surf around and find weird things on the intarwebs ...



This is wrong. So wrong. So very, very wrong.

But still hilarious ...




I will never be able to go to the GYN again without busting a gut ...

BusyMom will love this one, as evidenced here and here ... oh yeah, and she's a nurse too.


Posted by LissaKay on 05/06/07 at 12:54 AM in ~ Humor
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