Category: Bipolarville
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Two weeks in hell - Part IV
Thursday, Feb 6 I met with the school staff from the alternative school. They have a wonderful program that everyone agrees, will meet his emotional needs. We draw up the IEP and discuss his many issues. But at the end of the meeting, when it comes time to sign the papers giving them my permission to move him to this school, I stop, I don't sign. I told them I want my son to be involved in this decision too. I was going to bring him by the next day to let him look around there, presenting the school as a *possibility* not a done deal, so he will take it in with an open mind. There was a place on the papers for the student to sign too. I wanted him to feel that he was also in control, and part of the decision making. I felt that was the only way that we could possibly avoid a huge meltdown.Saturday, February 08, 2003
Two weeks in hell - Part III
Monday, Feb 3, my son returned to school, even though I was scared of what might happen there. But he had a somewhat good day. My day at work was hell ... but that's a whole other rant.Tuesday morning, I got up and found that my back door had apparently not been locked and the wind had blown it open. And as if my heart hadn't been ripped out enough in the last week, my beloved Maine Coon kitty, Dakota, was gone. He and my other MC kitty, Faith, are indoors cats, they never go outside. Dakota is a real scaredy cat ... I had adopted them both from a rescue shelter. Faith was a baby, but Dakota was about a year old. It was apparent he had not had a good life before being rescued. This was a cat that had NO business out on his own. It was raining and cold. I ached all over, mourning for my precious kitty ... my source of unconditional love and comfort.
Wednesday was uniform day in my son's ROTC class. That's the day they come to school wearing their dress blues. We got him suited up that morning and boy, did he look spiffy and proud! But then something weird happened. I still haven't figured it out. When I left for work he was all suited up. But later that day I got an email from his teacher saying that he showed up in regular clothes, actually filthy clothes, but he had his uniform in his back-pack. He changed into uniform before going to ROTC but changed back before coming home, leaving his uniform at school. He gave me some other really weird story though. More bipolar bizarre shit. I let it go. Not worth fussing over.
Thursday, February 06, 2003
Two weeks in hell - Part II
Tuesday, Jan 28, I got a call from the school telling me my son was being arrested for keying the resource officer's (county deputy) car. I was upset of course, angry, sad and felt utterly helpless. The one thing I was not was surprised. I wanted to scream at the vice-principal on the phone, "I TOLD you so! I told you he would have a meltdown or act out in a horrible way over this school change!"I called the juvenile detention center right away, and told them they might want to be prepared for anything with him. He could come in meek as a little lamb, cooperative and calm. Or he could come in raging, fighting, kicking screaming. And he should also be put on suicide watch. I think this scared them because I was called almost immediately to come pick him up after he was processed. I had been told earlier that they would probably keep him overnight. Oh, and he was a little lamb, all contrite and remorseful. It could have easily gone the other way though.
Wed - Fri he was suspended from school due to this incident. And I was told, there is no longer any real choice with the alternative school. If he doesn't go, they will have to initiate due process hearings since he has been suspended for more than ten days from school.
((For more info on how special education works, see http://www.wrightslaw.com ))
I was so exhausted, so *over it* all by this point, I kind of laid down and died on the job. I lost my will to fight anymore. I tried to contact an advocacy organization, hoping they could take the ball and run with it, but it was too late in the game to bring in outside players. I was going to have to tackle this huge thing on my own ... and just hope for the best.
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Two weeks in hell - Part I
Monday, Jan 27, I was informed by my son's school that the special education board has strongly recommended that he be placed in an alternative school. The regular high school feels that they just cannot meet his needs anymore, and if he were to stay, he could wind up in terrible circumstances ... in trouble with the law, expulsion, class failure. I wanted to respond that they hadn't hardly even TRIED to meet his needs, which I had explained to them over and over. They said there would be a meeting on Feb 6 with the staff of both schools so his IEP could be re-written and I could learn more about the alternative education program.My son is bipolar. He also has PTSD resulting from the years of emotional and physical abuse from his father and step-mother. The abuse stems from him getting in trouble at school. Therefore, he is majorly stressed out just being in school. Layer on the bipolar shit, and you have a volatile combination.
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Testing 1 2 3
Mother Teresa once said, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."Boy, if there ever was a quote that fit me!
*sigh*
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Where am I?
I've gone to ground ... I'll be back someday.I just can't face telling my tale of whoa over and over. The least bit of sympathy causes me to come unglued. I want to pound my fists on the walls in frustration but that gets me nowhere. Crying out at the unfairness of it all only weakens me at a time when I need to be my strongest. I need to prepare for the battle of my life, for the safety, sanity and security of my son's life. Knowing at the outset that it is a battle that I will likely lose does not make it any easier. But I have no choice.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
Roller Coaster Ride
That's the only way to describe life with a child who has Bipolar Disorder. Overall, things are TONS better than they were just two months ago. We haven't had any out-of-control rages, mania or self-destructive depression. But that is called “stable” and means only that I can leave him alone, unsupervised without being scared out of my mind.But school is a whole 'nother thing. They have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) in place for him. I just wish they would stick to it. Instead it seems as if they are nit-picking ... expecting perfect behavior and punishing him for the slightest infractions. I'm tired of getting calls from the school saying he was talking out of turn, or getting out of his seat when he shouldn't. This is a kid that does NOT need ANY added stress! I have a meeting set up for later this week ... Mama Bear is going in with guns blazing.
He is such a neat kid. Tonight we had some pretty severe weather here .. tornado warnings all around. We had to prepare to take shelter in the downstairs bathroom which is under the stairs. He decided that we should have emergency rations as well, so he packed up some cereal, snack bars and granola. He also put in a package of kitty treats for our two cats. That just kinda tickled me. It is so ... HIM. He really does have a heart as big as the world. And it sucks so BAD that he has this to deal with for the rest of his life.
Sunday, October 20, 2002
They say ...
They say, life is what we make of it.I don't know about that. There are so many things that can happen that are so far beyond our control. Maybe what “they” mean is how we react to what life gives us.
About a month ago, my life had spun way out of control. My 14 year old son has problems and issues that go back many years. He was thought to have ADHD, was diagnosed thusly at the age of about 8. He was living with his father at the time, and had begun to have lots of problems in school. He was taken to a clinic that specializes in treating ADHD. He was medicated with all kinds of different drugs .. about 6 kinds in two or three years. They did nothing to help him, made him worse, or turned him into a zombie.
Fast forward ... he now lives with me. His father was abusing him, physically and emotionally. We have been trying to help him heal the emotional damage that resulted from the abuse. But there were deeper issues as well. It wasn't until he finally hit rock bottom that we finally discovered what was really going on with him.
My son had been in and out of trouble for almost the last year. Trouble at school, with other kids in the neighborhood, his grades dropped from A's and B's to D's and F's. He would fly into the most terrible and frightening rages I had ever seen. He wanted to die and told me so several times. When he actually tried to kill himself twice within a week I had to act.
I took him to his psychiatrist, the one that prescribes his anti-depressant medication. He was almost immediately admitted to the hospital .. one that treats mental illness. He was admitted as an involuntary committment because of the suicide threats.
While he was there, he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Formerly known as manic depression, Bipolar Disorder manifests itself with extreme mood swings. In adults, the time lapse between these swings can be weeks, months or even years. In children, the swings can come as often as minutes or hours. Often mistaken and treated as ADHD, Bipolar Disorder grows worse without proper treatment, and the ADHD medications only aggravates the condition.
But we finally had a name and reason for my son's outrageous behavior, and hope for controlling it with medications. My son now has a chance to make his life a successful one.
But we are not out of the woods by a long shot. He will have to have his medications adjusted monthly until he gets the right levels, and still changes from growing, going through puberty and even normal life experiences will require further adjustments.
Then he also will need to learn to live with this disease. He cannot drink caffeinated colas or coffee. He will also have to watch his sugar intake ... not a pleasant idea for a teen-ager. School will require extra effort always. He will need to develop more self-awareness so he can cope with the mood swings when they come.
As a parent of a child with Bipolar Disorder, I too face extra challenges. I have to make and keep doctor and therapy appointments, stay in close contact with his school so he will receive a proper education, be ready to face all kinds of weird situations, and try hard to maintain my own sanity.
Three weeks ago, he was discharged from the hospital. On these new medications, he is a completely different child than the one that went in a week before. And he continues to improve. I still see the signs of the disorder in him though .. defiance, apathy, low self-esteem. But I know that there will be set-backs and new challenges in the future. I can only hope that I will be ready and able to deal with them.
For more information:
Childhood-onset Bipolar Disorder Fact Sheet
