Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Blogging teh craziesHere I go again. At least this time, from a quick look around at some buddy bloggers, I am not entirely alone. Full moon? The calendar says Friday. By then I may be ready for the men with the little white jackets ...
I have never experienced anything like this before. The last 6 months or so has been nothing shy of absolutely insane. Today I find myself on the edge, unable to be still, on the verge of tears alternating with laughing hysterically at nothing, with a generalized fear of ... well, I don't know. Something.
Anxiety. It sucks, ya'll.
I've always ... ALWAYS ... been the level-headed one. Calm, cool, collected. Give me a crisis, I will manage it. It's just my own life that's a miserable mess. But still I have always just plodded on through. I wish there was something I could do, fix, change or whatever ... if only to make myself think I am DOING something about ... whatever!
Aside from not hearing anything from school about my financial aid for the summer semester, everything seems to be going along just fine. The kids are great, better than ever. My cats are great. My parents are even doing OK. Work is good, the pay sucks but the people are great - mostly.
I need a vacation. A week or two, laying on the beach, waited on hand and foot by a young, tanned, gorgeous cabana boys that rub my feet, massage my back and feed me peeled grapes and chocolate-dipped strawberries, while fantastic music plays, and breezes blow through the palm tree fronds. At night, they would fan me to keep me cool as I slept. No worries, no cares. Just for a little while.
Heck, at this point, I'd just be grateful for a full and restful night's sleep ...
OK ... let's focus on good stuff - I scored a cappuccino/espresso maker off of Freecycle. I finally replaced my old bed pillows and bought myself a new set of summer jammies (And I'm blogging in them! Ask nice and you can see!) After my misadventure with Worst Buy, I found the keyboard/mouse set I was going to spend $150 on for $78 at Amazon. I found a light version of Breyers Fried Ice Cream ... 4.5 fat grams, ya'll! And white chocolate raspberry coffee creamer.
*sigh* OK, I'm taking my jammies and going to bed. Miss Thang just got home ... she went to see Pirates tonight, so we get to compare notes for a bit. Then sleepy time.
Vacation. Yeah ... that's the ticket ...
And then there's always the lolcats, always good for a smile:
Saturday, April 21, 2007
A night out, back in, then out againWell, I made it there. I did dig holes in my shoes with my toes for a while. But eventually relaxed enough to carry on some semblance of a conversation. I did lose focus a few times, but I don't think it was terribly noticeable.
I do think I know what is going on, in addition to my regular quirks (think Chloe O'Brian ... only older and not as cute)
It's Oak Ridge. I have been on the verge of total freak-out since moving back here. And I shall ruminate more on this later ...
I got home, changed into my jammies and was settled in to listen to Radio Paradise and work on this dag-blasted C++ program from hell ... and my kid called for me to come get him. In Knoxville. So back I go again.
Yes, I will wear my jammies ... heh.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Contemplating My Lovely LocksShould they stay or should they go?
My hair has changed recently. All my life, it has been straight as a stick, or maybe a little straighter than that. Not a curl, not a wave or even a curve to be found. On the few occasions that I did cut it short, it just lay there, all sticky-outie and spikey. But I have noticed that it now has some waves to it. Not a lot, but some. It's also getting very long, and it's needs to be cut.
So the question then is, do I cut a little, or a lot? A little would mean a trim, to get rid of the ratty ends. A lot would be, oh say ... shoulder length. Right now, it is about the middle of my back. Oh, and I have kept it mostly in the same style for ... too long. Very long hair is kinda "young" for someone my age - which is fixin' to increment another year soonish.
I dunno. I'm tired of it ... I want something new, something different ... something that does not look like an mature woman trying desperately to hang on to the last remnants of her youth. I wish I could try on a new cut and style just to see if I like it. Maybe I'll just go for the trim and talk with the stylist ... and I need to find a new one of those too, the swishy gay guy that used to do it up and disappeared on me ... (He was so swishy, he'd lisp the word "Cracker")
Ugghhh ... I think I will just go get my nails done and look for new shoes instead.
*Now Playing on RadioParadise: "Changes" by David Bowie ... an omen?
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I hab a codeAn' mah doze is all sdobbed up.
But that didn't stop me from getting the hell out of the house today! Spring break! Yay!
Sorry. It's nice to be able to go and do ... nothing. But being out in the crowds in the stores ... I was struck by a thought - there are many, many children that are better behaved than many adults.
Now I remember why I stay at the house most of the time.
More later .... getting kicked out of Panera now ...
Update - Sunday morning ... err, afternoon: I never got back on to add more thought to this one. I took an antihistamine and a decongestant (not the kind you have to register for, as if buying a gun or something) and that wiped me out. I rolled over shortly before noon.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Turn the PageI am in the final countdown phase of preparing to matriculate again. I have been formally accepted and admitted to Austin Peay State University to major in the Computer Science - Information Systems Online program. I have the financial aid coming in ... grants and loan to blow the mind. The Fed .gov loves for low-income single moms to go to school. Whatever it takes to keep us off the dole, eh?
It's been a little confusing and frustrating ... there's no office to drop into or call like in most college situations. The campus is 200 miles away, and when I call, I mostly get voice mail, and it's next to impossible to get calls while at work. For the last four weeks, they have also been out for the holidays, so things have been moving at a snail's pace. It wasn't until just Friday that I knew if they were going to count the classes I took way back when, over 20 years ago. Even so, I can't tell if they are giving me credit for the classes, but not the hours ... or the hours but not the GPA (which causes the cumulative GPA to be lower), or what. I don't want to be a pest and be emailing and calling all the time with these pesky little questions, but it bugs me to no end to not know!
My schedule for this first semester is going to be a killer, as I am trying to get the remaining core academic classes out of the way. I am taking World Lit, Elements of Statistics, Introduction to Programming, Data Communications and Networking, and International Politics. I haven't decided on a minor yet. I am leaning towards Criminal Justice though. I would really like to get into the field of computer and networking security and forensics.
I went to the campus online bookstore to get my books ... $503 and change, shipped to my door. Ugh. But then I got an Ebay email advertising Half.com as a source for textbooks. Sweet! I ordered nearly all my books from sellers on there, two of whom are in the same city as Austin Peay ... total price? $265 shipped to my door. The only downside to that is I had to pay for them myself, until my loan proceeds arrive, whereas if I had ordered through the campus bookstore, I could have charged it directly to my financial aid. I also had to invest a bit of time researching the books, finding the right ISBNs and making sure I was getting the correct edition and all. But saving almost half? Yeah, it was worth it.
Classes start Jan. 16. I hope I can pull this off. My goal is to have my degree no later than May 2009. I am going to keep on working full-time, and of course I have the kids to look after. But they are mostly off doing their own thing these days. My work is pretty darn laid back, I can study between calls and on breaks, but the bulk of my study time will be in the evenings and on weekends.
And, as if that didn't tighten up my schedule enough ... I have finally decided to lose some of this bulk that has piled on in recent years. I used to always be a tiny, little thing and I could eat whatever I wanted. But I was younger, had less stress in my life, and had an active job. All of that changed nearly overnight about 5 years ago, except for what I was eating. So, little by little it crept on. Now it has to come off.
I joined a fitness club, The Rush with my daughter, and we are embarking on a journey to better health and fitness. Our first orientation and work-out is tomorrow night.
So, off I go ... embarking on new and wondrous adventures!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Tips for a Powerful New YearI'm not usually one for pop-psych, feel-good, glurges, but this list of ways to improve your life sounds pretty spot on. I also hate New Year resolutions ... my only resolution is to not make any resolutions, so I am ignoring what the calendar says. There's no time like the present to make improvements. I am going to try to implement some of these suggestions from Jon Gordon, energy coach??? Whatever ... they all sound like good things to do ...
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a TIVO, tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement: My purpose is to___________ today.
5. Live with the 3 E's. Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.
6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did in 2006.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, qigong and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water and eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds and walnuts.
12. Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished____________.
19. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
20. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
Blessings for the New Year to all!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
I’m done!Yo, check it out. I be DONE with the shopping thing!
I must have set a new personal record. With the exception of one gift I bought a week ago, I was able to get everything for everyone on my list in two days ... 5 hours on the first day, 3 hours the second. Another record, I didn't buy a single thing online. Which is a switch. A couple years ago, I did all my Christmas shopping completely online. I bragged that the only time I went into the mall that season was to go to the eye doctor that was located therein. Weird. I did do a good amount of research and price comparisons online. The RSS feeds I get from FatWallet, Techbargains, XPBargains and Anandtech Hot Deals are quite helpful too.
In other news ... I have been formally accepted to Austin Peay State University in the Computer Science Online Program. It's scaring me to death right at the moment ... I will be working full time while taking a heavy course load as I try to do this degree in just four semesters, with the added challenge of having to discipline myself "go to class" without a schedule or a place to go. I will probably need to come up with a self-imposed schedule to follow. The kids are at the age where they don't really need much in the way of supervision, just an adult presence to touch base with and provide guidance. And money. Ha!
OMG. I just stood up and went into the kitchen. Every. Muscle. Aches.
Marathon shopping is not for the old and out of shape. Ugghhh ....
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Tis the SeasonHave you ever witnessed a 3 or 4 year old child being taken into some place, like pre-school, where she really, really, really doesn't want to go? She grabs onto anything ... doorways, legs, walls, to try to hold herself out of the bad, scary place. Her eyes are wide with terror and rage that this most unholy of insults would be cast upon her. Her shrieks and cries of "No! No! No! I don't wanna go in there! No!" emanate from a face reddened with anger and fear, wetted with tears of frustration ... it is a sad, pitiful thing we watch. But we know that she must do this ...
Picture my inner child behaving in the same manner and you will know the conflict that rages within me as I prepare to go out Christmas shopping today. The outer adult is wearing a thin, but patient smile and a look of total tolerance. However, if that inner brat is let loose by rude shoppers or store clerks ... well, it won't be pretty. Among other places, I must go to Best Buy ... store that tries the patience of Job in the best of times. Wish me luck.
UPDATE: Blogging from CompUSA - the trip tp Best Buy was uneventful. Mostly. I found exactly what I was looking for, they had it in stock, the rudeness levels were somewhat tolerable. I even found a couple of extra goodies for the kids. The teenage girls in the Mustang stopped behind my car in the parking lot talking to boys while people struggled to get around them nearly didn't escape my wrath. What's that movie quote? You might be young and daring but I'm old, devious and heavily insured ... or something like that. Heh. I had visions of plowing the back of my big old Oldsmobile into the side of that Mustang, then laughing like a maniac as I drive off with my scarf fluttering out the window.
But, I digress.
Funny thing here ... you can order at Compusa.com and choose store delivery in 15 minutes and often get a better price on sale items. That's I'm doing here ... saving a buck a minute. Ha!
Next up, a foray into the wilds of Turkey Creek.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Taking a break from a breakPoking my head out from my hidey hermit hole to drop a nugget of mystery ...
One of my regular readers needs to keep an eye out for a package delivery in the near future. It's not a Christmas present, so you don't have to wait. But it would be most awesome if I could get some pictures of you opening it! (hint, hint)
In other news ... my kids are still crazy, I am still broke, stress levels are redlining. I am making steady but slow progress on getting enrolled back in college. One of the benefits of being dirt poor is they give you lots of money for college. I will still need to take loans out though. But hopefully, one day I will be a highly sought after computer science degreed professional and actually get a job that pays more than the median income for the state of Tennessee. Yeah. Uh huh.
But I did get my living room cleared out of still-unpacked boxes and the Christmas tree is up. I also fancied up the fireplace mantle a bit too ...
Yes, that's Faith peeking out from behind the table. The house feels a bit more like home. Now if I could just train the kids and cats to clean up after themselves ...
Friday, November 17, 2006
Oh boy ...I just completed an application for financial aid (FAFSA) and an application to college to finish my degree.
I've applied to Austin Peay State University in the Computer Science Info System online degree program.
And while I am in the mood to be bold, I guess I will pop in for a few tomorrow night at the BlogFest. There's just nothing like facing social anxiety head on. Plaster on a smile, put one foot in front of the other, approach the people, say hi and try not to pee pants. Hey! It's a plan!