Oh ... Really?

Monday, February 10, 2003

Two weeks in hell - Part V

Friday, Feb 7 was my son's initial court appearance on the vandalism charge. I was told that was when we would formally hear the charges and could request a public defender. We met the woman that will be his probation officer/case worker and I started filling out the papers for the PD. When I turned them in, I was told that the income cut-off for PDs is $11,800. That's when I lost it totally. I knew that without representation, given my son's history of trouble at school, in the neighborhood and previously being in state custody, they would likely rip our guts out. I did manage to get it back together for the hearing. My son did well there, answered the preliminary questions from the judge, remembering to say "Sir" and "Your Honor" Then the judge ordered the PD office to assign him an attorney. On the way out, the clerk that I had talked to earlier snarled, "The judge made a mistake, you shouldn't be gettin no lawyer from us."

You know, it's a really *bad* idea to piss off a mother who is in the act of protecting her young. That woman is very lucky to have her throat still intact. I would have gladly ripped it out right about then.

Posted by LissaKay on 02/10/03 at 12:53 AM in ~ Bipolarville
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Sunday, February 09, 2003

Two weeks in hell - Part IV

Thursday, Feb 6 I met with the school staff from the alternative school. They have a wonderful program that everyone agrees, will meet his emotional needs. We draw up the IEP and discuss his many issues. But at the end of the meeting, when it comes time to sign the papers giving them my permission to move him to this school, I stop, I don't sign. I told them I want my son to be involved in this decision too. I was going to bring him by the next day to let him look around there, presenting the school as a *possibility* not a done deal, so he will take it in with an open mind. There was a place on the papers for the student to sign too. I wanted him to feel that he was also in control, and part of the decision making. I felt that was the only way that we could possibly avoid a huge meltdown.
Posted by LissaKay on 02/09/03 at 12:41 AM in ~ Bipolarville
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Saturday, February 08, 2003

Two weeks in hell - Part III

Monday, Feb 3, my son returned to school, even though I was scared of what might happen there. But he had a somewhat good day. My day at work was hell ... but that's a whole other rant.

Tuesday morning, I got up and found that my back door had apparently not been locked and the wind had blown it open. And as if my heart hadn't been ripped out enough in the last week, my beloved Maine Coon kitty, Dakota, was gone. He and my other MC kitty, Faith, are indoors cats, they never go outside. Dakota is a real scaredy cat ... I had adopted them both from a rescue shelter. Faith was a baby, but Dakota was about a year old. It was apparent he had not had a good life before being rescued. This was a cat that had NO business out on his own. It was raining and cold. I ached all over, mourning for my precious kitty ... my source of unconditional love and comfort.

Wednesday was uniform day in my son's ROTC class. That's the day they come to school wearing their dress blues. We got him suited up that morning and boy, did he look spiffy and proud! But then something weird happened. I still haven't figured it out. When I left for work he was all suited up. But later that day I got an email from his teacher saying that he showed up in regular clothes, actually filthy clothes, but he had his uniform in his back-pack. He changed into uniform before going to ROTC but changed back before coming home, leaving his uniform at school. He gave me some other really weird story though. More bipolar bizarre shit. I let it go. Not worth fussing over.
Posted by LissaKay on 02/08/03 at 12:04 AM in ~ Bipolarville
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Thursday, February 06, 2003

Two weeks in hell - Part II

Tuesday, Jan 28, I got a call from the school telling me my son was being arrested for keying the resource officer's (county deputy) car. I was upset of course, angry, sad and felt utterly helpless. The one thing I was not was surprised. I wanted to scream at the vice-principal on the phone, "I TOLD you so! I told you he would have a meltdown or act out in a horrible way over this school change!"

I called the juvenile detention center right away, and told them they might want to be prepared for anything with him. He could come in meek as a little lamb, cooperative and calm. Or he could come in raging, fighting, kicking screaming. And he should also be put on suicide watch. I think this scared them because I was called almost immediately to come pick him up after he was processed. I had been told earlier that they would probably keep him overnight. Oh, and he was a little lamb, all contrite and remorseful. It could have easily gone the other way though.

Wed - Fri he was suspended from school due to this incident. And I was told, there is no longer any real choice with the alternative school. If he doesn't go, they will have to initiate due process hearings since he has been suspended for more than ten days from school.

((For more info on how special education works, see http://www.wrightslaw.com ))

I was so exhausted, so *over it* all by this point, I kind of laid down and died on the job. I lost my will to fight anymore. I tried to contact an advocacy organization, hoping they could take the ball and run with it, but it was too late in the game to bring in outside players. I was going to have to tackle this huge thing on my own ... and just hope for the best.
Posted by LissaKay on 02/06/03 at 11:34 PM in ~ Bipolarville
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Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Two weeks in hell - Part I

Monday, Jan 27, I was informed by my son's school that the special education board has strongly recommended that he be placed in an alternative school. The regular high school feels that they just cannot meet his needs anymore, and if he were to stay, he could wind up in terrible circumstances ... in trouble with the law, expulsion, class failure. I wanted to respond that they hadn't hardly even TRIED to meet his needs, which I had explained to them over and over. They said there would be a meeting on Feb 6 with the staff of both schools so his IEP could be re-written and I could learn more about the alternative education program.

My son is bipolar. He also has PTSD resulting from the years of emotional and physical abuse from his father and step-mother. The abuse stems from him getting in trouble at school. Therefore, he is majorly stressed out just being in school. Layer on the bipolar shit, and you have a volatile combination.

Posted by LissaKay on 02/05/03 at 03:31 AM in ~ Bipolarville
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Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Testing 1 2 3

Mother Teresa once said, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

Boy, if there ever was a quote that fit me!


Posted by LissaKay on 02/04/03 at 03:42 AM in ~ Bipolarville
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Sunday, February 02, 2003

Where am I?

I've gone to ground ... I'll be back someday.

I just can't face telling my tale of whoa over and over. The least bit of sympathy causes me to come unglued. I want to pound my fists on the walls in frustration but that gets me nowhere. Crying out at the unfairness of it all only weakens me at a time when I need to be my strongest. I need to prepare for the battle of my life, for the safety, sanity and security of my son's life. Knowing at the outset that it is a battle that I will likely lose does not make it any easier. But I have no choice.
Posted by LissaKay on 02/02/03 at 05:25 AM in ~ Bipolarville
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Sunday, January 26, 2003

Chocolate’s Secret Power

Chocolate's Secret Power

Oh this is GOOD NEWS indeed!!
Posted by LissaKay on 01/26/03 at 09:59 AM in ~ Neat Stuff
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Saturday, January 25, 2003

The Strength of Spirit

The Strength of Spirit

Sometimes, when you think it's really, really bad ... wherever you are, whatever is going on ... you get a wake-up call. Not to stop feeling sorry for yourself, or be thankful that it's not as bad as someone else's life. Sometimes we need to be reminded to stop, look around and really see what is around us. Yes, I've got it tough. So does Mike. So do lots and lots of other people. Some will hear our stories and think, “Man .. I don't know how they can do it!” Hey, everyone ... we just do it. We take life one day at a time. Just like everyone else. What keeps us going is the little things we take time to notice and enjoy. We stop to smell the roses.
Posted by LissaKay on 01/25/03 at 10:12 AM in ~ Neat Stuff
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Sunday, January 12, 2003

Putting Out Fires

Mother Teresa once said, “The Good Lord will not give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”

I'm right there with you on that, Sister!

I am just now to the point where I can write about the last few weeks and not get overwhelmed with anxiety. Yes, it's been that bad.

Posted by LissaKay on 01/12/03 at 01:27 PM in ~ Being Bitchy
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